remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
Dude. Creed is coming in september.
We're no longer friends.
He showed up to fuck me at the same time the pizza guy did. It was like everything I needed just showed up at my stoop.
these girls were driving down the road screaming "SHOT!!" out the windows and pelting potatoes at passerby.
i got hit in the ear.
She's currently upstairs fucking her boyfriend while I am downstairs making them a sex playlist watching her boyfriend's Weiner dog and large Boxer try and mount each other. Marvin Gaye is playing. This is the ultimate third wheel fail.
She finally pulled over after almost hitting 4 cars and a semi and asked me if i was rwady i told her to let my penis to come back out
If he thinks that that is an acceptable way to ask me out he is out his goddamn ginger mindddddd.
Ideas I've had tonight: An entire movie based off the Pixar lamp jumping on stuff.
I feel like drug tests are a little less "random" when you are employed by your father.
She proposed we share a dildo. Hopefully she was joking.
HE WAS DRESSED LIKE A FISHERMAN AND HE WAS LIKE OH SHIT I THINK I JUST FOUND THE DEADLIEST CATCH i couldnt not go for it my honour compelled me
Pretty sure I love my nipple piercing more than I'll love my children someday
Pretty sure I just scored Election Day sex based on the theory that if either of these fools win the world as we know it is over so we might as well get a few orgasms in...
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