Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.
So what if i ate it off the ground. Its like i found a five dollar bill just laying there, in burrito form.
Also, just grabbed a bunch of "tuxedo black" condoms. formal, anyone?
they described our state of being as looking similar to a crime scene....you were on the ground and i was running around screaming.
Does the whole "it was New Years" excuse apply this year?
I refuse to have another spring break doomed by pregnancy.
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
Sooo the theme of my 21st is rapidly becoming Gay Mexico
Pizza toast. It's like pizza but on toast. BC we are broke. OMG its so good.
You would never do this sober.
You've never even broken a bone. You singlehandedly disprove natural selection
It tasted better than Jesus's hair.
I'm trying to drink up the confidence to run in public.
she kind of stumbled up and said "Bitches be needin' stiches." i thought i could convince her to break a bottle over someones head but she fell onto her face and passed out before i could say anything
Randomize
