bahahahaha i would laugh soo hard if someone did this for me hahahaha this guy would become my best friend
I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
i just told my mom tuesday boozeday rhymes so that she can remember not to text or call me on wednesday mornings
youre going to kill that woman one of these days
It smells like wine and fried chicken. Im confused and intrigued.
I also would have accepted most things ending in "job", erotic favors, and food.
I cannot even. Taco bell reception. Beers. New friends from Georgia.
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
I spent all the money my grandpa gave me for Christmas last night….solid start to 2015
I hope April is a better month for dicks. March has been very disappointing.
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
I can't tell if my heart is fluttering because I love him... or if it's palpitating from all the coke.
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
ALL I WANT IS SEMEN IN/ON/AROUND MY BODY. WHY IS HE MAKING THIS SO HARD.
What do you do when you legitimately find a hidden sex dungeon in your parents basement next to your bedroom!!?
Randomize
