Sorry for talking about super scientific shit so much last night, I know it bugs you sometimes when I don't shut up.
What? You sat on the couch for a solid 2 hours staring at your fingerprints and the only word that came out of your mouth was "how"
apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
He managed to completely creep out every girl I was with last night. It was almost inspiring how efficient it was.
I wasn't sure how he was going to followup "so,i shot myself.." i guess "w a nail gun" is the best choice out of what I expected
Hey Im running from the cops. hiding in a bush. when you're approaching the intersection honk the horn twice and I will come out.
I feel like we had some profound moment last night, but I can't really recall much past your ass turning up the volume on the radio.
Not sure if it's my shorts, hat, shoes, hair or soul but one of the above just got me drunk again from the glorious aroma of Keystone Light.
Yeah...don't think he was sober. He kept screaming "I fucking love this game!". It was his Chase app.
Used my phone to vibrate 'eye of the tiger'. It's like Rocky is punching my nuts, but gently.
I HAVEN'T FUCKED ANYONE IN FOREVER AND A HALF I DON'T DESERVE TO BE A TRASHY BLONDE
We fired a shoe out of a medieval cannon. I know not where we got either one.
I'm not sure why, but my salad smells like a Big Mac. Or maybe that's just the smell of yesterday's, seeping through my skin.
can i get licensed in dentistry online like a priest
just because i'm not a monk anymore doesn't mean I need to tell you about my new sex life.
which is fantastic by the way.
Not going to lie, when I looked in the tub I expected to see what might have been remnants of a squirrel.
Randomize
