I'm sorry, but you without makeup is like christmas without presents.
just prayed to lady gaga in hopes it will help me pass my fashion merchandising final...what is my life?
you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
Found my puke from September encrusted to the floor under the dresser while cleaning before move out ..... Oh Freshman year
i'm gonna start fucking more girls with asthma. help feed my ego.
You left your underwear on the fireplace
As a female I reserve the right to put my ipod in my cleavage because I have no pockets and not get judged by other girls right??
How is it that you get into at least one taco related fight a year?
It feels like my uterus is trying to crawl out of my ass wearing cleats. And yourself?
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
It's a never ending cycle of men I've fucked knowing other men I've fucked. I need a new town.
At least I remembered to wear a bra. I feel like that's a big accomplishment right now
Literally sucked a dick for ten seconds before I said to myself, this tiny ass penis isn't worth it. My night last night
What a way to start the day. Staring at penis for 3 hours
It's pretty much my favorite thing ever
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
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