we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
Okay you're seriously so fucking annoying its like having a baby
Apparently I did my philosophy paper last night. It's not bad either.
All I remember from my 21st is crying because the bouncer made him put his shirt back on
I feel like I could be a daytime drinking legend, like they could put that shit on my tombstone and right now your preventing me from reaching my full potential
is it bad that I didn't wash the cum out of my hair because it keeps my curls intact?
I'll see ya tonight at your house...and I'm bringing you a special treat that starts with a V and ends with us eventually going to rehab one day.
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
Come over and play the Jeter 3000 drinking game. You drink if the commentators say "captain" or "3000". I'll drink if they say "overrated" or "past his prime".
I have so much boob sweat I could bathe a baby
OMG CHARGE YOUR PHONE I NEED TO KNOW IF THIS IS A GOOD PICTURE OF MY ASS
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
We fucked. Had a political debate. I won. So I sat on his face.
I look over and the both of you are naked, and he's eating chicken nuggets off the floor
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