Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
he came and i only had my diet coke to rinse.. can you say coke float?
dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
Working out to an exercise video on OnDemand. Also, drinking beer and eating cream cheese with a side of bagel in between stretches.
I had to drink heavily last night because I needed to forget that you told me you want to blow my dad.
I'm just high and in my robe and I would suck a dick for some pizza rolls. I can't talk about your problems right now
Got to the gym, getting changed, found a jello shot in my shoes.
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
I screamed so bad because I thought he was going for my sandwich forgetting it was in my hand
We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Tequila happens.
WHO TURNS DOWNA FRESHLY WAXED VAGINA IN A MAIDS COSTUME LITERALLY LAYING IN YOUR BED
I just hooked up with the German exchange student who doesn't speak English. And you said I have no talent.
So I took a screenshot of my boarding pass and the TSA agent somehow swiped it to the next photo. Yep...TSA saw my dick before I even went through the body scanner.
Sextember may be over, but Cocktober is just beginning!!!
I don’t care that he’s a decade younger. He’s cute and I need a good penising
Randomize
