God I can't wait to have my phone textbombed every night
i just wanna soil my oats bro
Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
He tried to say the picture wasn't him. Like I'd forget his curved boner.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Do you remember giving me altiods and wishing me good luck on the walk home?
Need toilet paper. Napkins suck. Slowly running out of those two and the bleeding hasn't stopped. Your cat is next
Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
It looked like his dick was wearing an argyle sweater.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
In the world of sexual, erotic texting, you rank somewhere between "how much teeth do you want" and "how dry do you want it"
He said the first movie he ever jerked off to was Titanic because he knew "they were totally doing it in that car."
I vaguely remember seeing that couple making out in front of that store and i yelled "I ALSO LOVE THE ROCKY MOUNTAIN SOAP COMPANY!"
Heat not working dressed like an eskimo. A real one with a ski sock on my junk
I'm spring cleaning all of the fuck boys out of my life.
My mind doesn't wanna day drink but my heart does.
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