i was rollin on her like bob the builder
you never know, standards drop, they turn gay, shit happens.
First time i ever had an awkward silence during sex.
i woke up with "only hugh can prevent florist friars" written up my arm ... i need to know what we did last night
Its like I was sleeping with a kid. His gum fell into my hair while sleeping and he just wanted to cuddle.
dont worry, it'll just be a conversation starter like "why did you get that pierced?" or "wow, i got arrested there too"
Woke up to the first three complete chapters of my new novel titled "If My Dick Could Talk" waiting for me on my laptop
You couldn't stand up so I took you home, took off your makeup, put you to bed then shaved off your eyebrows. I so nearly won the responsible adult prize.
It took him three days to realize his roommate had moved out.
I told her she can't come to our bonfire because she throws up on herself & she has a mustache. And now apparently I'm a bitch or something.
She's going to get preggers, drop out of school, and end up working at mcdonalds. Great for our mcdoubles habit but bad for her future.
That freshman guy that keeps trying to hook up with me just saved someone's life ... Should I reconsider?
By the way, anytime you want to go toe to toe on Doggystyle lyrics just let me know!
Who is this? Did we just become best friends?!
Well you went to the bar with your crutches last night & everyone including the DJ started chanting "put your crutches in the air"
Very mixed signals tonight. He gave me the best handjob while gloating about the Superbowl to his dad on the phone. When he was done he left me on the sofa alone for ten minutes before returning with wet wipes beer and nachos.
Randomize
