After 9 shots a girl with a mustache......still not attractive
sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
he actually proposed, and i threw up on him...i guess 5 glasses of wine was a bad idea.
Honestly dude, i think you should ignore the restraining order if you really love her.
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Do you remember puking up your retainer into the toilet and putting it right back in your mouth?
Crumbling up chips, putting them in salsa, eating with spoon. New level of stoner fatassery. Its so genius/delicous i'm not even ashamed
I love you like a cupcake loves an overweight child, very similar to the mannerisms of a whole cake but personal, and minus the commitment issues, plus just the right amount of icing; not to mention the convenience of mobility, and only a smidgen of the guilt😘
I literally just wiped coffee off of the corner of my mouth with my boob because my hands were full. Thought youd be proud. Good morning!
Welcome to stoned Saturday. Full of laser tag and beyonce and awesome
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Dude this weed smells so good they should make it into a Vicks vapor rub scent and I would rub it all over myself.
are you just sitting in your hotel room drinking popsicle vodka?
.....well anything sounds bad when you say it like THAT
Well according to all the calls, texts, and Facebook messages, I threw up on you guys last night.
That moment during finals day when you either convince your teacher to let you out of the room or you shit you pants.
You put on a bike helmet, yelled "doesn't matter fuck it" then punched a stick the fire
Why is there a condom in my ukulele?
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