Id pretty much put it in anything at this point. Jello. Dogs. 12 year old boys
Wtf. Who made this Big Mac, Helen Keller?
just 'accidentally' changed my relationship status to 'in an open relationship' just to see what offers I might get if I were to dump him. it's not looking good
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
Just saw you in traffic. You may have noticed me, I was the corpse driving the white car.
I just stood on my roof naked pouring vodka onto my garden. sweet dreams
I mean, I love her. But not "I'll have a threesome with her." Type of love.
He probably tastes like german chocolate and coffee beans
Seriously though, my ovaries are trying to crawl out of my body and into his pants.
Should I be scared that after we hooked up she took antibiotics with Sailor Jerry's?!
Trying not to ruin Mother's Day with the enormous hickey on my neck. Nice.
If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.
I was looking for a pen and I stumbled upon my mom's vibrator. On a related note, yes I will be going out tonight.
Well I'm nervous now about the consequences of letting you loose
It's a big decision, I respect that you need to think about it.
My ex is stopping by while he’s working tonight after delivering a pizza to fuck me, then going back to work at Pizza Hut. This is what my life has become.
Dude on the shuttle bus eating a Butterfinger and watch porn on his phone and doesn’t give a fuck who knows
We need to get on his level
Randomize
