She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
Your place is a magnet for either righteous parties or crippling alcohol dependency. Lets find out which together
A sandwich with pizza as the bread. I love you.
YES WITH THE SQUARE KIND OF SLICES
Neighbor who got arrested at 3am just said he'd split the $ with me if I testify as the witness in his police brutality trial. He was also holding a baby and a case of beer.
he was extremely fucked up- he thought my sports bra was his boxers. even when his leg wouldnt fit. at least whiskey dick wasnt a problem
The bag I'm bringing home for the weekend: a change of clothes, workout shoes, and sex toys, that's it.
She bought my penis dinner and beer last night. Her words
its one thing to be single and another thing to be single and then have your profile picture be of you and the cat
your picture is with misty too!!
I AM SINGLE BY CHOICE
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
Went home with a male stripper who looked like Justin Timberlake.. I started singing cry me a river mid sex. When he sang along I fell in love
Do exhausted, barely concealed hand jobs count as joining the mile high club?
I'm not gonna swipe right, he has better hair than me. Just no.
you are the root of all my greats nights and my worsts decisions
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
Randomize
