i just made out with my boyfriends father...and so did jess
my dad is drunk dialing our relatives who are stuck in a blizzard asking them to pick up sun tan lotion for him cause hes too drunk to drive to the store.
I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm
she's walking down the hall in a thong and one flip flop and one ugg
I feel like I need to get a restraining order against him but I'd probably be the one to break it.
Hey, hey, hey, hey. This is a hurriCAN.
You're in a tuxedo, you can pee wherever you want.
You then proceeded to tell me how good of a cook you were and put raw cookie dough in the champagne.
He went THROUGH MY PHONE (he's 30 for God sake) then asked me why I was stringing along 12 guys... I told him he could have just asked me if I was banging other people and then saved himself from looking at pics of dicks bigger than his.
Do pleather leggings scream im easy on a first date?
So the dog chewed my vibrator last night. It added a nice new texture actually.
I'm on A4A looking at dick pics while the CEO is on the phone trying to convince me not to leave the company
I don't want to be drunk any more. Can you hit the off switch?
Met the hot new neighbor. She's into country music and giving really good bjs. Latter made up for the former.
So, I need to know. Why did you spraypaint your underwear gold?
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