when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
you want to go make fun of the strippers on try out night
i got kicked out last time for laughing
i just googled the alphabet. i couldnt remember if it was jklomnop or jklmnop.
it was like fucking with batman, he had gadgets i never even imagined
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
I don't really see how asking you not to cum on my face or hair makes me high maintenance
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
You know how girls with huge tits have back problems? Do you get knee problems or something?
I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
It was fine until he came back to my place, grabbed a beer, HIGH-FIVED me, and left.
I just ran into the woods like an idiot because ADVENTURE.
We need to stop going on dates to the strip club.
Dude she is fucking shit up. Her baby would be proud
That Spanish guy who looks like Ben Affleck from that club we went to 3 weeks ago is still texting me.. He clearly doesn't remember what I look like.
Randomize
