I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
I've blown a few things in my day
decided to have an easter egg hunt this year. the golden egg has weed in it and all the others have shots of vodka. who said we were too old for easter?!?
We've got 2 weeks of college left-I want to feel like Gary Busey by graduation.
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
The vomit I understand but how is there seaweed in my bed?
So howd u manage to get high at a one year olds birthday anyway?
Wanna go watch Transformers and scream "AMERICA!"? I need a no thought activity
I have a surprise for you
Is it drugs? I want drugs. Or a puppy!
It is no longer St. Patrick's Day. I should NOT still have green boobs!
Is it weird that I want to have sex wearing my glasses and lab coat while having an actual scientific discussion?
just almost had a panic attack because i couldn't find the granola bar i put in my purse. i miss klonopin.
If you don't believe in my fighting skills, I don't know if we can be together
Listen this is important.. if I die tonight you have to be the drug dealer at my funeral
She has my name on her bucket list. I’m either getting laid or killed
Randomize
