We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
Dude, I swear her tits are going to give me a concusion.
He offered but I said no. I didn't think it'd be cool to accept cupcakes in the mens room of a gentlemans club.
I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
We made it a contest to fuck on everything in your room while you were on vacation.
Apparently she saw two women get in a slapping match over a comforter at target yesterday. She said it was awesome. Clearly I take after her.
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
You took it upon yourself to rid the world of them, and by that I mean you dressed up as Batman and started kicking them in the shins.
you were yelling that somebody needed to take your bra off with such enthusiasm my first thought was that you were on fire.
Here's the thing, you got road head in two different cars tonight. You feel lucky yet?
He found a way to charmingly ask me for a threesome and when I said no he made it sound like he was even happier. He's a fucking wizard
We're exchanging our favorite porn sites at 9 am. I think this brings our relationship to a whole new level
I feel bad for her. If you sacrifice and have a chubby husband I feel that you assume he's not going to cheat on you....
You WHAT?!?!
Paid. A. Homeless. Guy. To. Throw. A. Drink. In. Her. Face.
I fucking love you.
Im so unlucky if I fell in a barrel of dicks, I'd come our sucking my thumb
Randomize
