He's been sleeping iwht ***
Nooo
Yeah I don't even know how, she looks like her mom smoked crack while she was in the womb
And then hit her in the face with a shovel
Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins.
well once we started drinking vodka out of wine glasses there was no turning back
Yeah we call her cincohandjabos because she gave 5 guys handjobs one night in 5th grade
When I ask you to make sure no ones coming while I'm changing.. The logical friend would keep watch. But you my, best friend come stand in front of me and flash everybody.
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
You peed on someones bathroom floor while saying people are rude for not flushing
Woke up to a note written on my hand that read "just because he kisses you, doesn't mean you have to sleep with him"
next time, write it on your vagina so its more effective.
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
I have a rash on my arm from the cat litter. Think the cat will be mad that I peed in its box?
He said he didn't want to go down on me so I told him we were going to have an oral stalemate.
I woke up naked and surrounded by M&Ms
She was here for a threesome... She doesn't have to put the new roll of toilet paper on the dispenser. She can leave the new roll wherever she wants!
Randomize
