And if you don't call me, I will embarrass you publicly with a can of spray cheez.
Google Chrome's "top 8 most visited sites" page has become my motivation to stop masturbating
I walked in and she was kneeling on the ground with no pants on, throwing up, and holding the puppy. It was one of those moments, where i was like damn i wish i had my camera.
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
Sorry, they don't make maternity Power Ranger suits...
HE'S EATING THE CONFETTI. STOP HIM NOW.
But the real question is how many people didn't see my dick last night?
"I'm gonna wax that ass" was the successful pick up line used on me last night. Clearly I had a few too many cause it worked..
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
I'm scared to touch anything in this apartment. Even the ceiling.
I just googled "creative ways to tell someone you'll give them a blow job". I'm losing my touch.
I DONT HAVE THE SOCIAL SKILLS TO EXPLAIN THAT YOU DIED EATING MY PUSSY
I had sex with two guys in one day. One on my grandma's couch, one on a golf course. This is the greatest post-surgery accomplishment I could ask for.
It's been three years since Kelly shit in the to go box that we put in Sam's mailbox after we broke up. Considering Sam and I are friends again, should I finally tell him?
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
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