Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
can a staight man not wear seersucker in this town?
I'm starving. my midnight snack, aka a teaspoon of cum, isn't holding me over
You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
That's a really weird place to spoon. Especially if there are more accessible places to spoon. Like a bathtub.
I'm 2 blowjobs away from girlfriend status....don't tell me I don't know how to have an adult relationship
Just put your hair in a bun. We're going out to drink, not to impress people.
Well I almost walked away with an Irish guy's boarding pass and some south guy's dignity
He brought a TOOTHBRUSH and TOOTHPASTE with us on our date..... I want to go home and forget I ever decided to be nice and go on this date in the first place...... A TOOTHBRUSH!?!?!
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
I will no longer accept nudes from you because I met your boyfriend last night and he seems like a nice guy
Got a snapchat from Megan last night showing you sobbing about a burrito on the floor with Dan in the background trying not to laugh his ass off
I'm not asking for life coaching, I'm just asking if you know where I left my underpants.
Why is no one on Snapchat tonight? I want to see other people having fun so I know it still exists.
Randomize
