just survived the first fart of the relationship.
If she sucks any more cock I swear she will be a spermivore
i cant do it anymore.. every time this girl orgasms she sounds like a motorcycle
We've only been driving for two hours and I'm already down 3 vicodin...I'm not going to survive this family vacation.
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.
I honestly can't remember your justification for putting peanut butter on your cell phone.
Dude you were tripping so badly we put a pretend box around your head and you spoke silently for the rest of the night. I think pterodactyls were involved.
It's ok. I will share any beautiful men that I drug and leave unconscious on my bed. I'm that kind of friend.
Shit dude that sort of wholesale destruction can't just be done at the drop of a hat
He's hot and has an accent therefore you don't ask questions when he tells you to take your pants off.
Don't send me nudes asking me to come fuck you on lunch break then send me a video of kids you're babysitting.
I've now fucked in every motel room in this small town.
Don't get into any trouble on your trip
The only foreseeable trouble would be pregnancy, but I gotta be sterile otherwise I'm beating some pretty fucking incredible odds
I like that they’re all named Christopher or Chris. No need to worry about moaning during!
Randomize
