So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
oh jesus shes a lukewarm mess
pshh wine cellars. now if he has a tequila cellar whole different story
we're doing beer bongs from the windmill...epic
i jus dunped the rest of my drink down the sink and tool my bra off. pretty sure this is the best decision for everybody.
Kegger tonight. 10pm. $5 coverfor unlimited booze. Proceeds benefit nuns from Uganda. Bring friends. No shit.
I have got to stop assigning last names to girls I get numbers from based on what I think will remind me of them... Sarah Petrydish is not an acceptable memory trigger
well other than the faint smell of fireworks in the truck you can't really tell the windshield was exploded
Just bought koolaid for my vodka in a DARE shirt with my NES wallet. I'm everything I thought I'd be when I was 8.
Except even better, boobs get discounts.
came home to a trail of roses from the door halfway up the stairs. but my nonsingle roommate lives downstairs. idk if they celebrated on the stairs or if some girl tried to woo me last night and i don't remember
i cant believe we used adam and eve as a sexting theme last night
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
Cool. I might be making a sickly but incredibly well dressed wine drunk appearance in a couple hours
I might attempt to pee into a cup while driving. I'll let you know how it goes.
But I don't see you as the jesus riding a dinosaur with a machine gun type of guy
Randomize
