I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
i threw up in a trash can last night at kellys irish times. but in a trash can because i'm a lady
she took her clothes off and my dick went from =====> to =>
the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
Can you check your dirty laundry bag for my tooth.
This weekend is gunna be a fucking shitshow. I don't even wanna know how many dicks will end up inside of me
Dude, for your own safety, do not bring that chick home. I'm pretty sure you're going to find a marsupial pouch smuggling a fresh batch of herpes under that hoodie. Bail bail bail bail bail.
Heaven was on the 3rd floor and Hell was on the first. When the cop walked up he was confused as to who the noise complaint was for and wrote both apartments a noise violation.
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
it's like getting dryhumped by a chainsaw in the very best possible way
Besides he said his dick was as big as a loaf of bread and that it was broken. So I was like u have half a head of hair and a broken dick that looks like bread. No thanks. Im good.
I'm just impressed that you can puke without losing your gum
Hahaha wearing a fake moustache in public was the best idea i ever had
Ewe he just snapped me a pic of his butt crack.. Should I be concerned?
omg girl... i cut your hair last night. tell me it looks okay!? i saw hair on the counter and i said ohhh nooo
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