Whatcha textin bout Willis?
i wore my purity necklace wen we fucked. but its ok cuz simplified was blasting in the background
hahahaha. im glad listening to simplified justifies breaking ur promise to god
Hawaiian shirts and no dignity
We are always on the same wavelength...kinda eerie.
his cum shot went directly into his bellybutton. felt like i was playin ski ball
Fact: my bamboo plant has grown 2 & 1/2 inches since I started watering it with bong water
Once again there IS no outside bathroom. Never has been, that is the balcony
just shottied a beer can with a pumpkin carver. i love October.
She's like my safety school. At the end of the night, if I haven't found anyone better to hook up with, I can always call her if I need a place to drop a load and don't want to rub one out myself. Perfect next door neighbor.
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
you're good to come back. The bouncer pulled me aside and told me. He also said you have nothing to worry about and that you have an awesome "upper punch" or some shit
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
you know it's a good party when the fucking floor caves in. THE FUCKING FLOOR.
I almost had sex at the fire station last night and I need you to acknowledge all the awesomeness that is in that sentence.
I hope you have your own chainsaw cause I didn’t buy one for you. It was a gross oversight on my part
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