my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
we turned dreidel into a drinking game. i kept landing on gimel. im glad we have 7 more nights of this
I'm going as Jenn Sterger if she answered Favre's calls and ended up in a trash can. If I don't get laid tonight I'm going to be pissed
I would have to gauge my vagina to make it fit.
As i lay in bed, clutching my face, i'm starting to believe your dick in my eye story.
We still going to Happy Hour
Idk. I can't because it doesn't fit in my schedule of sleeping or throwing up
Ok but if you die you have to get "I should've listened to Mike" carved into your tombstone
It was fun until the stripper told me it was her first day and started crying.
Yeah I just don't know how I feel about my fuck buddy coming to work at my dads office with me.
i was giving head the other day and thought of your all penis tastes the same quote and couldnt stop laughing
Sorry about the picture of wills balls via snapchat last night btw
Everybody needs breakup sex. You just happened to get yours from a dude who hasn't reached the point of breakup yet. No biggie.
Baked goods and tits. Hard to go wrong there.
I was so close to going to get my nipples pierced with my mom today
just took a pregnancy test before I went out drinking. if that's not drinking responsibly Idk what is.
Randomize
