I heard you aren't going to graduate...that suck sorry bro
I heard your girlfriend is trying to spread swine flu because she wants to wear one of those masks to cover up her broke ass teeth
Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
I just used a franzia box to scrape the snow off my car.
Don't put random dicks in your mouth or any other crevice for that matter... and i'm home in 30 seconds
Wish I got that text last night instead of this morning.
just threw up what i'm pretty sure look like contents of a lava lamp
How can I not totally like a guy that told me my boobs were too big for me to be taught how to play golf?
She insisted on cleaning her room in the dark. 5 minutes in, she forgot what she was doing and started putting shirts on instead of hanging them up.
I think I'm still a little drunk from Sunday Funday and I just changed for a date in my car. wish me luck.
you know, i'm always afraid you're going to think i only want you for sex because i only text you when i'm horny
speaking of, guess what i'm thinking about
Our Tuesday night drunk Irish step dancing was on point tonight.
Also, McDonald's breakfast is now 24/7. This is it. This is how I die. Face first in a pile of hashbrowns.
I fucked her with a giant balloon tied to my dick. You tell ME how my night went
im ready to get drunk and forget everything ive learned this semester
You are telling me my dick tastes like a taco supreme?
I'm saying this "taco supreme" tastes like your dick.
I need some buff guys to cuddle me and call me precious
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