btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
She said as long as i don't wake her up she doesn't care what hole i use.
Got yourself a keeper right there.
ok understand this, i didn't pay for your dinner bc you said i wasn't going to get a blowjob for at least a month... this isn't a mail-in rebate deal, you gotta pay upfront
For once I'd like to have a Taco Sunday without having some random drunk chick flee my house half naked and in tears.
There was blood everywhere. She was pretty good looking person though.
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
My neighbor Chris is here. I am warning you, he is wearing a kilt I just saw his balls. Be incredibly careful that you don't see what I did.
I feel like you guys are talking about real things and have real problems and I'm just over here like 'should I take muscle relaxers or get drunk tonight?'
If you could watch a water balloon run... That's what it's like watching her run.
Is it socially acceptable to be blind drunk at half five on a Monday afternoon?
Which pub are you in?
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
after sex he fell asleep with his water bottle in one hand and his dick in the other at 6pm. I'm a winner.
I knew it was Christmas when someone handed me a stocking filled with airplane bottles. Ps just woke up 3 days later
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
Hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking you had a pulse
Randomize
