tonight's goal was "most regrettable decision" and you bring wine coolers?
this islike a room full of reasons why i should be in prison
can we get together and have a vodka water gun fight? i need to get som intense excersise/alcohol
She broke up with him yesterday after she cheated on him. He's going a bachelor party next weekend. How has Homeland Security not raised the threat level?
Her hair goes down to her lower back and nobody was there to held it back for her. She looked like chewbacca dipped in vomit.
Dude are you alive? We drank shit that made a german bartender blow chunks.
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
So, were they human bite marks at least?
Your guess is as good as mine.
I am the girl who goes to bed with her make-up on so that she doesn't have to fully redo it in the morning. I am obviously not ready to be a mother.
How does that even work?
I just want a man to crawl into my bed with me and never crawl out. Anti socialism at his best.
Can't. Way too high. Forgot how to operate doors. Stuck outside.Come get me.
He makes furniture for a living and is basically a hot, younger Ron Swanson
I just told my bowl "sorry" for putting it down, because I thought I hurt its feelings. omg. I'm high.
Dude, my back STILL hurts from carrying the team on BP last night.
Gotta go, there’s a chick at my door that wants to give me head
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