it was the worst sex ever in the history of sex. i mean ever. and he thought he was great. actually told me he was the best id ever had...what was i supposed to say? lol...i've had better times by myself. seriously.
she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.
he's been in the country 4 hours and we just did it in the closet. he called me "miss flirtatious in the cupboard." i'm in love.
Sweet. I'm actually coaching my work study into a 4-girl orgy so dinner was kinda important. Yes, I'm the best boss ever.
Dance move was taxi-ing on the runway then taking off in a plane. All the boys wanted to beat you up cause they were like "who is this angel flapping her arms like a bird in the bar i must have her"
I legit had a 15 minute convo about dinosaurs with a guy at the bar last night cuz he was wearing a jurassic park shirt
One small step for man, one big gay fierce leap for gays!
Ones vagina should not have the same slogan as a can of Pringles.
What happened after I vommed in your shirt that I was wearing and threw it out the window on the highway?
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
What's rude is him not accepting my blowjob offer. What kind of guy denies that.
Here’s how sick I am. I’m not hungry. I don’t want coffee. And I don’t want dick. So, you know it’s bad.
highlight of my day: hitchhiking a ride with random locals. tried to make conversation, asked what they do. driver says "you clearly don't recognize me." turns out i have had sex with him and forgot.
You are officially qualified to graduate from college.
Randomize
