something had to give and with her weight the coffee table never stood a chance
i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
I think I just got a contact from my own exhale. Def dying.
I knew the night had taken a turn when we showed up and our flabongo was being chilled in the freezer.
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
Well I consider my vagina a dear friend. She treats me good I treat her good. We work together. Glad we could be of service.
P.S. I just watched The Muppets. I feel like I just got a sadness enema.
i also took my stockings off in the bathroom and blew my nose with them in the cab ride home. james was appalled
Wingman of the year award. I made out with her gay roommate in order for you to get laid. Better have been good.
The gay roommate was probably better than her. Consider yourself lucky.
Wait, tell the rest at happy hour. I wanna be able to interrupt you with my loud cackles and stupid questions.
I'm sorry. I slept with him again. On the plus side he's got better at it!
After round two, I told him he deserves an award. He bowed and did a princess wave WHILE his dick was still inside me.
I have a burn on my hand, I'm covered in bruises, I think my toe is broken, and I have no clothes to wear home.
Taco Bell is better for you than cocaine, I promise.
Although, she is an extremely cool person. She put the "buddy" in "fuck buddy." And I mean that in the most respectful way possible.
Randomize
