the last thing i remember is you screaming lets hunt humans.
i think she is mad at you for trying to take a shit in the back seat of her car
She posted on her FB that he moved out...It's like she wants me to fuck him.
I don't know how or when he is sober long enough to donate plasma
btw I told him that the only way he was gonna get to eat you out was if he smothered your vag with grits..
I didn't pop out of a cake in a speedo with diagrams
In case that's what u were picturing
Literally every boy I've dated is now in a somewhat successful band. My vagina has obviously been blessed by the rock gods.
Went home w the NY Islander in a NY Rangers jersey, needless to say he was pissed
don't judge but I think I'm gonna go fuck a dad this weekend
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
What would I even say at the wedding? "Sorry that I still wouldn't sleep with you after four years of you trying...but hopefully my sister here isn't that stubborn" and give him an awkward pat on the back?
She asked what a chaser is. I died a little inside, please come back..
Long story short I ended up getting choked out by a really hot guy in the girls bathroom at a bar last night
I think I'm taking after my dog, I just want to hump everything
you tried to strip tease your way into canada but got arrested instead. don't worry, your mom doesn't know.
Randomize
