i just walked by a road side game of beer pong? it's gonna be a long day
is it bad i banged a 25yr kindergarten teacher last night?
No thats like a top 10
How is it possible that i have sex with a guy and he makes YOU breakfast
I dont know how to say this. But the hottest girl where im at has one arm.
Look I know it's late and I hope this doesn't wake you up but I feel like you should know that I'm sleeping on my couch in my own apartment so that my friend can get laid in my bed, and I would do the same for you.
because drunk making out is frowned upon in museums i think
Right but I don't wanna waste the whole weekend not having sex when we could be having sex
I was just at home taking Vicodin for a week straight. Talk about a vacation.
My head is just one big fuzz right now.. Its like someone replaced my brain with a teddy bear
I have a tab of a google image search of onion rings open and it is making me so happy.
Calm down I'm not kidnapping the bartender
I think you threw up on me last night but i can't remember so i'm not mad at you.
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
I just found a contact in my phone named "Nick from The Party". Who's nick?
He gave me an ambien and I woke up with a raw chicken bone in my purse. I have no idea why but I hope I put it in his butt
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