Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
he left his wallet here so lets treat ourselves to a lunch for the lack of penis we both had deal with
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
You better be making out with him cause we're sitting here with this awkward british girl watching videos of goats singing maroon five
Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?
Was having the best sex dream I've had in a while and only woke up when I heard my grandma fall down the stairs.
"What's your dick like homie" is not really an acceptable thing to say out loud
Also your Swedish friend who's name I don't remember is really good in bed.
*Norwegian
I'm not totally useless... You can use me as an example of what not to do
A guy at my table is reading a magazine called "Cheese Connoisseur"
Isn't it funny how we're still best friends after that incident with the old lady in the bathroom
You fucking bailed on me. But I love you still
No you just wanted to pass out in your hallway because your room was too far away
Is there any reason why a taxidermic donkey head is in the shower?
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