So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
Just took a closer look at the paper that kid wrote me his number on. It was an ATM receipt. His balance is $17.89. i made the right choice.
answer the phone. i thought i was eating cheese but it was butter. i ate a lot of it.
Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
you don't know true fear until you are a convinced that velociraptors are trying to kill you through your roof.
I'm. Arresyed bur sierra ue obbe of mt vet friends. I hope we can tyajk ane gwt ob the same page. Ur aweaome ttyl.
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
Well, for starters, she called the condom a "dick mask."
I know you're asleep, but I just had a motherfucking epiphany.
For the record, rock bottom is where you start crying during porn because your ex used to slap your ass like that.. Continue on with your day now.
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
After this week, alcohol is mandatory.
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
All I remember is pissing by the garage and the next thing I know I'm on fire
How do you teach a grown ass men how to fuck? Why is good sex so hard to find these days?
Randomize
