I want to take things slow emotionally, but fast physically
Penelope Cruz needs to learn American words.
I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
Judging by what's in the bathroom right now, I see you graced us with your presence last night.
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
Do you know how I hurt my ankle or my shoulder? Or the origin of any of the following mystery bruises: left quad, left wrist, right elbow. Thanks for playing.
I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
I am laying in your bed and just found a bottle of wine under your pillow ...should have married you...
We should just do therapy together, clearly we have all the same issues. It's why we are friends.
I just wanna get drunk and go sledding in my kayak
All I know is that I got to have an orgasm yesterday during sex so nobody can put a damper on my day, NOBODYYYYYY
All i remember is looking at the bottle vodka that I was drinking and wondering how it was suddenly empty.
That may have had to do with you chugging it
Fun fact: I came home from the riverboat without my panties. And woke up with a different pair on.
Ok fell asleep on a bus in south Carolina just woke up in Canada where the hell is the liquor store from here?!
Randomize
