apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
Can't a girl send out a 4 pm booty call anymore
And then I passed out in my towel and was woken up by my roommate introducing me to her trick for the night.
he does have a point though, watching you drink makes me never want to drink again
sometimes after I smoke and the high has gone away...the high will come back like three hours later for a brief yet gripping ride.
that's usually when I end up in someone's house, having sex with someone else, while that someone's roommate makes us mozzarella sticks.
I don't even see the point of going over to his place dressed anymore.
I hope you fall on your chin.
Jealousy makes you ugly.
Just had a talk about safe sex with my mom. Not about protection. About the very real possibility of a "penile fracture". Gotta love having a nurse for a mother.
I feel like passing out with my foot on your face has bonded us at a very fundamental level.
We need a shit load of segways right now
He was very considerate of my needs, he offered me pizza before and after.
So, my love of dick may have landed me in a cult. On the bright side, I now have a discount at Spencer's.
I'm just concerned as to why his penis is two different colors.
Thank you for dog sitting, there is $60 on my desk to be spent on DRUGS AND/OR GAS ONLY not that food stuff people crave.
Drinks have officially taken priority over self-respect, and I'm not even all that torn up about it.
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
Randomize
