real busy. everything is packed. thats why we ended up at the strip club
So you really have to stop introducing me to girls and afterwards saying "he has his dick pierced" let them find out for themselves
hey you knew what you were in for when i showed up with 2 fifths of Jim. plus i left money to pay for a new sink
I'm hungover as fuck. My vagina hurts. I locked my keys in my car. It's about 93* outside. We're having sex in the pool when I get home
you know I love you but I need to see your friends tits
Between my vag yelling at me for having bad sex and my legs yelling at me for going to the gym I cant hear myself think.
I want to get so drunk, you will need subtitles to understand me. Rough week.
What is the current exchange rate for ramen to jello shots?
It wasn't good. I can tell by the way he fucks me he watched too much porn
My mom asked me if I ever go on dates. I had to suppress the urge to ask if having casual sex with a freshmen counts as dating
it's pretty awkward texting you how much I want to suck your cock when I have my mom on speakerphone.
On my way
If fixing it is ignoring it, and getting naked. Then yes we fixed it.
Someone explain why I'm twerking in my bathroom right now before a charity run
And I made some girl take out the trash, load and unload the dishwasher, swifter, and clean the counters. So don't act like I don't do anything.
Because you put the dick in ridiculously amazing boyfriend. And you deserve to have nice things happen to your penis. That's why.
Randomize
