you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
Yep just saw a license plate that read "taint 2" which implies there is a "taint 1". Only in Florida
yeah, but the likliness of me finding my husband at a party where the facebook event is titled "NEW YEARS EVE SHIT SHOW" is highly unlikely
he forgot there was a midterm today. i watched him break his own finger to get out of it.
We fucked in your water heater closet. Told you we'd try everywhere.
The ice cream man just told me to use protection.
Our DD has become famous. Strippers are asking to be handcuffed to him.
I have a black eye again and dont know why again
Your mankini haunted my dreams.
It's the kind of dick you travel across the country for
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
Thanks to you I can't show my boobs tomorrow for the interview.
You came in wearing a whipped cream bikini what did you think would happen
(919) the date's not going well. He's on his phone talking about his eBay amine shit...
this kid sitting diagonally in front of me is searching "cheap bongs" on google. hahahhaaha. who does this kid think he is?
This lady is talking to me and all I can think about is getting face fucked and doing cocaine. Not neccesarily together and not neccesarily in that order
Randomize
