Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
Most of the time people just stick whatever they want in my mouth. Thanks for letting me decide this time
"reccomended dose" hasn't been in my vocabulary for quite some time.
We are possibly on our way, unless we see the limo full of strippers.
i drank out of my shoe...were you seriously expecting me to be the voice of reason?
yeah, but the first step is admitting you have a problem, the next step is kidnapping him
There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
There was a stripper pole on the party bus. Was being past tense because some fat chick somehow tore it from the ceiling while grinding
he has decreed that i can sleep with anyone who has the same name as him. line up all the toms
SHUT UP I CAN'T HEAR YOU OVER THE SOUND OF UKULELE AND LONLINESS
Woke up with chlamydia and a bruised rib. I'd say my boss is gonna be mad about me not showing up to work, except you know.. it's her fault.
we played his NES Classic. Turns out there is a warp zone to my vagina.
He told me he felt the only proper thing to do was fuck me to the top of the corporate ladder
We were trying to organize all the customers to hold a window pickle race. as of 10:37 pm last night we are no longer allowed in our McDonalds.
Randomize
