You're completely useless in the revolution.
I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
I cant talk about it right now or let you guess, but its something you and i would do. Kinda like that time we had the case of beer and went bowling
You hooked up with minors in a golf cart?
We somehow managed to get the sumo-wrestler costume into the washing machine, but I don't think the cupcake icing completely came off... And it still smells like tequila.
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I want to wear something that says I'm a lady (but I have condoms!)
It's a gateway drink.... Starts with wine... Then I wake up in my car with mascara on my arms covered in french fries...
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
Apparently I yelled "no stop it" in my sleep last night when he tried to cuddle with me.
Oops, guess its official. I just use him for sex.
I used to be terrified of what was under your bed until I passed out there last night. Now it just feels like home.
When were you at my house?
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So Monday we're lesbians.
Deal. This decision is final and any rebates on this will result in losing an eyeball.
Did I run away from you last night?
Yeah it was a great moment for our friendship
I walked into my house with my pants inside out, no shoes and a limp. My mom asked me if I had fun but I passed out before I could reply...
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
I deleted your number after I found out you gave my brother head for drugs.
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