We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
She stuck a Big Gulp bend-y straw up his ass to see if he could handle anal.
Ew, and?!
Well he couldn't and the deal was he had to drink something using it afterwards.
You are like a prophet. It's amazing how many people you convince to be lesbians.
I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
It was everywhere, it looked like he just took the leftovers and threw them around the bathroom... Festively...
I'm not saying going to the volleyball games drunk on Tuesday night was a bad idea I'm just saying we shouldn't make a routine of it.
I still don't understand how I went from crying to blowing you in like two minutes.
My goal is to upperdeck the house I'm at, because it's some girl I don't know's birthday. Welcome to adulthood, bitch.
I mean, two foreign guys have drunkenly confessed their love for her, so she's clearly doing something right.
My final act is to send you this message. I love you. Tell my family that I love them. Except my dad. Tell him I said "Eh..." while rocking your hand side to side. And tell Tim that I will always love the idea of him. Tell Caleb I love him so. Take care of Miss Kitty Fantastico. Tell the world that I will watch over. Good bye. I love you.
If you've never been pounded by an Eastern European body builder, I would highly recommend it.
the fact that i came three times was completely negated by the fact that he high-fived himself after.
I learned the hard way a garbage bag will not save you when jumping from a tree at 2am
It took me years of patience and pilates and yoga and flirting to land that penis. So yeah, I’m going to ride it into the sunset and live orgasmically ever after
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