my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
do you know why "how to shave your balls" is bookmarked on my computer?
porn star boner night. come get it.
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I can't wait. Forget the royal wedding. This is the most anticipated hookup of 2011.
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
You kno how some people just need a "everything will be alright" pat on the back? I need an "everything will be alright" blowjob right now. Come over
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
the conference was great. we had to hide the acid in a planter in front of the department of agriculture though
He was making a joke about signing my name on this piece of paper. He has a whole bucket filled with names on pieces of paper. I think thats how he keeps count.
He played me Kanye.. Speaking my love language.. He got a well deserved BJ
Also, you think turning 23 is bad, I just ran into the guy that gave my chlymidia
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
Randomize