We're like a lot better than the average bears
I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
My financial advisor pointed out that 37% of my income is currently going towards "non-essential food items"
That's banker lingo for "you're an alcoholic"
just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
i have a picture in my phone of you with a bottle of tequila in your back pocket. i believe you were saying "pocket of champions" or something along those lines
You were shirtless with a cowboy hat in 15 degree weather then u shotgunned a can of mixed vegetable Progresso soup
You sir are most definitely in. Better get your penis an umbrella as that bad boy is gonna get soakkkkkkeddddd.
I will be going to walgreens soon.. nothing says trainwreck like pickin up a scrip for xanax at 2am drunk..
I don't think it's food poisoning, I think it's cause you cooked it over burning styrofoam
Going back to the ever classy sneak out to the fridge and swig liquor from the bottle method. That it is legal for me to drink here makes the fact that I have to do this all the more depressing.
I still don't know his name but his ass is spectacular. Like he should never wear pants.
It's entirely possible that I'm fucking yet another gay guy
I just put my eye make up on in the bathroom of the bar.... I may be too comfortable here....
he offered to let me fuck his brother , of course im marrying him
the weird part wasn't waking up in someone else's underwear, it was how the cat was staring at me like he knew more about last night then i remembered.
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