so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
well when i got there she was attempting to stick the cat in her mouth.. so maybe you should go check on her
my grandma just told me that size does matter, and don't let anyone tell you anything different.
i just realized that fran drescher is the 90's version of a guidette.
he must have thought the song was "ejacuate on the dance floor"
It feels like Jesse James cheated on America.
You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
I'm pretty sure we got the cab driver deported
Remember camping when you drank 36 beers to yourself in one day and puked in your tent? Ready for round 2?
I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."
He came when Ron Burgundy started playing the jazz flute. How do you think it went?
I really like her...she always overpays me for xanax and still feels the need to fuck me to make up for it....
I can't. I drank 10 years off my life last night. I need to reevaluate. Sorry.
Would it be weird if your parents sold me weed?
Randomize
