She can't keep using her latex allergy as an excuse to go bareback with everyone.
He let me keep his flannel as a "good job" for the great head I gave him.
dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
Taped crackers to the wall. Sat I'n the dryer. Bobby had to pull me out by my hair. No more.
So howd u manage to get high at a one year olds birthday anyway?
Hey remember that thing i said about never apologizing for being a hot mess? Well that was before you found me drunk in the hallway with no pants.
He got completely naked and is now just standee there next to my bed poking at my hamster. Why can't I get sex the normal way.
He just remixed a spongebob song with 2 chainz..... Clearly I love him
I'm petting the cat while shitting. This is all I ever wanted
You can achieve whatever you wish in your imagination with some help from drugs
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
i have paint on my face i'm missing my earrings, there's a bag of rice in my room, and i have a purse full of monopoly pieces
But yeah, I am thinking that "Cake Heresy" will now be a thing
Omg, new summer goal: sex in a bouncy castle.
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