Puking in one of the stalls, a guy ran in and started puking in the other stall... In between heaves we told each other our names; i found out that it was my old best friend that moved away in the 8th grade
This could be one of the worst things i've done... The background of her phone is her and her boyfriend.
I'll come out for a little. I can't be visibly hungover at work again or I get written up and fired. And yes, I am aware of how alcoholic that sounds.
Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon.
I know you think I'm being paranoid, but can you please make sure Danny doesn't rub my wedding invitation on his balls?
Well, I want to see you regardless of whether or not you will lick whipped cream off my body.
No worries. On my way home to get ski poles and wipe the sick off my face. Then it's time to get drunk in the park
buying a tattoo gun on ebay just sounded like a good idea at the time idk man
I found your dog. Now we are bros, so he is staying. Don't call, don't make it weird.
You mowed a straight line through three yards because you were, and I fucking quote, "In the zone." I think they know.
Did I, at any point last night, say I was dying?
He plays guitar, sings like an angel, and acts like a gentleman. If I don't fuck him by the end of first semester, I'm dropping out
I made out with 4 out of 4 girls I was out with last night, I'm pretty sure everyone knows I'm a lesbian by now
5 am booty call not ok. The fact I actually went over definitely not ok. My vag needs to learn some control.
The only words I could make out were "Dicksmash McIroncock".
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