he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
and I didnt even know his name until this morning when we were laying in bed and he referred to himself in the 3rd person.
Just had to return the shit I stole from the dining hall, with everyone watching...apparently there ARE consequences for being drunk, coked up and belligerent.
Just whatever you do please don't lick his face again.
there's no excuse to just assume your pants won't be coming off for some reason or another. that's just irresponsible
Mid way while flirting with this super hot chick at the bar, he gets up and says no thanks I'm only 19 and gay just waiting for my buddy to hurry up and get with your friend.
she said she walked into the kitchen and i was sitting ass naked on the floor chugging her parents vodka.
Gym?
Sweet baby Jebus, no. I'm Motley Crue hungover. This must be how it feels to rail a line of ants.
Poorly worded request for dick pic resulted in stoned beanie selfies and "lol". Miscommunication is the devil's cock block.
Found a phone out last night at the bar. EPIC homemade porn vids on it!
Burritos, beer, and hot tub sex. Merry Christmas to me.
It's best not to have your booty call on social media. So if they post stupid shit, you still want to fuck them.
Congratulations! We have a period
Never underestimate the power of titties
Randomize
