Dude if it is possible to orgasm from shitting i think it just happened.
i saw his dick when we were four, so thats kind of ruined for me now
How do you say "I'm not pregnant in Spanish?"
i'm sure god appreciates how great my boobs look during this fine christmas eve mass
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
Less talking, more tequila
seriously considering responding to a craigslist ad for a lesbian cunninlingus instructor...at this point i'm so desperate for a job that i'm willing to switch teams.
Why yes actually, getting stoned and reading an AARP magazine IS totally where I wanted my night to end!
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
You know just a typical night. Eating peanut butter off of tablespoons and having sex to our favorite Christmas carols. This is my favorite time of year.
I was his one phone call from jail and I hung up on him. He's fine though were gonna go to a party now.
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
Hey guys.. So I accidentally broke the front door last night
There's a big difference between a penis and a toilet.
Randomize
