Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
Facebook is asking me which Pokemon I'd be. Is there one whose only moves are gay sex and reading Adrienne Rich?
Is it bad that when I see babies I feel bad for them because its going to be forever until they are 21?
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
I'm drinking nothing but vodka and coffee for the next 48 hours. For science.
I'm bathroom at buffalo wild wings
I think incapable of making pants work send help
Talked to the dude for a hour . I now know where he lives, his occupation, his goals, his dreams and what his dick looks like.
I didn't even respond. Just letting the crazy settle before I calmly fuck his shit up.
Just a reminder- you dropped broccoli in my car and then felt bad for it and named him Henry
I know. I miss henry.
Last night I made out with two lesbians while dancing with another girl. I'm pretty sure it wasn't even real life.
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
I need to leave my mind and my stupid vagina are having fight over who's right
Randomize
