all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
He was like an evil genius with the clitoris. I don't stand a chance.
It was so delicious I was introducing it to people. Guy from my psych class was like "This is my girlfriend, Erica," and I was like, "This is my milkshake, Oreo."
Congrats to the girl that left her positive preggo test in the bathroom...
The first thing they saw when they walked in was all four of our std test's hangin on the fridge....i'd be worried if they didn't think we were sluts
I just caught myself watching and Irish step dance documentary in my underwear drinking nyquil through a straw at 2 in the afternoon. today's off to a good start.
That chick went from zero to shitshow in only 6 shots.
Go forth Daniel, drink, be merry... And meet some hot Asians for your friends to bang
I am naked in a blanket sprawled on my bed eating a pastry. This is all I want out of life. Ever.
my suitemate came in my room last night and flashed me. and then she just walked away. deff transferred to the right school
i'll talk to you in three hours when you've stopped foaming at the mouth and your eyes have rolled back into place
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
I'm eating year old chocolate from the trash can. It was in a ziploc bag but still, this is a new low. Help me.
He passed out with his shoes on 20 minutes till midnight, and I didn't have a sharpie so I took the cheese whiz and filled his exposed ass crack.
Ps can u get with my cousin? He's a freshman at uconn and he's very attractive but like were related....
Randomize
