people would bow to what i just did to her vagina
dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
i think she is mad at you for trying to take a shit in the back seat of her car
kinda considering buying a life alert for sophmore year
Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
Tried to steal a keytar from my hook up's house.
By the way, I'm pretty sure your husband is publicly advocating more BJs for my husband, via Facebook.
Why were you staring at her like that over breakfast?
Because I was eating with a spoon to remind her that she threw up on my hand while she was MAKING me spoon with her after our drunk sex. She got it. Don't worry.
I GOT A VENDING MACHINE FOR OUR LIVING ROOM
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
I knew us throwing ourselves at him back in the day would pay off. I'm gonna b a divorcees rebound. Score!
the 5 D's of Dodgeball literally just saved my life
He sat next to me, put his arm around me, yelled at his girlfriend that he was breaking up with her, and told me I'm his little pet for the night.
I sense lesbianism
That's a weird power
All I can taste is Pickle Juice and Cocaine.
Randomize
