I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
im going to pretend im pregnant so i can eat a lot then i will accidentally fall down the stairs
omg a stripper jus od'd on stage.
Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
I am broke enough to accept it. If I get poisoned, you can have my shoes
It's a pretty amazing thing to watch... He used "Rad tits" as his pick up line of the night. And it worked... 3 times
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
how the hell were we supposed to out run the cops in a bus?
I came home wearing somebody's thong. If you're missing one message me privately.
Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?
girl pulled up to the stop sign, got out, threw up all over my hood said happy thanksgiving then drove off
a guy offered me a piece of pizza if I'd make out with a random girl. We got the whole damn box and I ain't even mad
You guys are like the reason that ketamine is a controlled substance.
I swear to god he thought my ass was a bag of wine last night.
That's the 3rd negative pregnancy test this month. I'm on a roll.
Randomize
