best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
i just lost my virginity over my 3 hour lunch break..
u hav a 3 hour lunch break?!
i like how the length of my lunch break is the thing that phases u
You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
Help. All alone. Room is. Changing colors. Dance party 2010, but without dancing.
This may be a weird question to ask someone who is 21 years old, but are you grounded?
Well ill be drunk so just come find me. Its like where in the world is Joey San Diego
Well my grandma put the turkey in the oven for 4 hours and didn't have the oven on.
Nothing like drunkenly buying a pregnancy test at 8 am to get out and realize your nip was out the whole time.
Oh like it's the first time I've had a bowl of wine
I just feel like I'm worth a little bit more than your recycled nudes...
Cant leave im designed bacon maker you come here
When the theology professor asked me what touched me most about this trip to Rome, I guess "the guy from last night" wasn't the proper response.
I have standards. Maybe not when it comes to men.. but definitely when it comes to sex
He's watching Always Sunny and eating refried beans straight from the can.
Well, he was practically tripping over his dick to get to me so I'd say my new dress was successful
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