Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
You said I was the most beatiful preggers youve ever seen...im not pregnant
flashcards smell like vodka and my textbook is in the toilet. ready for the final
You need to take one for the team and go bang a random sample of mexicans. Cause my internets broke and I can't google mexican foreskin stats.
Dont ask, hes out back rolling around in the yard freaking out. literally just had a 15 minute conversation, only word i could make out was "yellow"
Note to self: You can't deep fry cheese-its.
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
Bartender just fed me brownie. Its going to be a good night
Also 70% sure I have a splinter on my eyelid from last night
How much money would it take for the bouncer to get us beers while we wait in line to get in?
$450 apparently whoopwhoop
Listen I just pulled white girl hair out of my underwear. This has got to stop. I was wearing pants all night.
Welp, I've officially cried in every Chipotle bathroom in the city. Correlation or causation?
Well she just asked a sorority girl if she should fuck her floor mate so it's basically like the blind leading the blind
I gave the bike taxi guy a blowjob because I didn't have any cash. College.
dude. that's the chick that BIT MY DICK. it doesn't matter how hot you think she is, trust me man.
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