My entire floor is waiting for the couple to come out of the shower. She's a screamer. We've blockaded them
He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
Three people drank on "never have I had sex in a tractor." Iowa at its best?
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
I ate the last cupcake. I'm sorry. It was in the refrigerator mocking me. So I ate it. And it was glorious. But I'm sorry.
I fell off my bed and busted open my chin on the prisoner of azkaban. Somehow missed the almost empty Jose handle next to it. So guess what I was doing last night?
Do you have any puffy paint? I want to put "fiesta muthafuckas" on my sombrero but its too much to bedazzle.
Either of you know why the shower was on and the bathroom door wide open with no one in there at 6 in the morning?
The stripper told Tom to sort his life out
I'll truly miss your penis but your use of words and phrases such as bae, yolo, swag, and totes have ruined how attractive you once were.
Eating pizza in the bath tub while watching a romantic comedy alone. I reached a new level of single.
I think I just shit out all my problems.
Bootycalls can't go limp that's like against the law
Ya, It's probably because whenever I close my eyes I see a kitten playing a banjo.
Randomize
