We should steal a little kid and go to Chucke Cheese
dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
Met some locals. They are taking me to a place where there is topless bullriding. I love this country.
Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
I don't know at least half of his name. I have officially become a statistic.
Writing apology letters and leaving them on peoples doors for your actions is NOT what I want to be doing at 6am.
4 people stoned, 3 boys I've slept with, 2 I gave chlamydia, and a partridge in a pear treeeeee
How festive
no. i discovered the *exact* amount of drugs i need to do to understand calculus.
So I get to my parents and walk in the door so my mom knows I'm safe and alive and my grandpa looks at me and says "were you being someone's bitch". And I about died of laughter
Wow, he seems so solid
So doing the math I dated almost 2 of me in penises. Like, if I you layed them out lengthwise it would be 2 times my height.
We need to make boob twerking a thing. I feel like that's why vine was invented
I'm not the one who gave a guy that lives next door to my grandmother a blowjob in a pub bathroom in Ireland, you have no room to judge.
I mean, he's 40, foreign, artsy but with substance abuse problems and estranged children. How is he not my type?
Seriously considering modifying my computer case so it can dispense wine. I need to make a bunch of changes and reorganize it's guts anyway....
He updated Facebook... "Got a new phone today." WHAT ABOUT THE FUCKING KID YOU HAD?!
Randomize
