he's 24. he finally texted me instead of using facebook chat. baby steps.
Believe it's possible to jerk off while watching the food network.
she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
My therapist said that she thinks i may have a sex addiction. I think she may be a terrible therapist.
Want me to drive you to Dr. Drew's sex rehab?
Nah, cause then i cant masturbate to that show anymore.
Why are there hooting douchebags outside my building? Did a sport happen again?
You may now shotgun with the bride
When she asked why I felt bad I said that it may have had something to do with the gin and cold pizza I had for breakfast.... And then I reflected on what my life has become.
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
All right, sex is off the menu for you. Now you just get friendship. So I can spend marginally less time being annoyed by you.
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
I just woke up hand cuffed to the bar and shirtless, so yeah I think I need you to come get me.
I forgot to lock the door last night. I woke up cuz a guy opened my bedroom door, asked me who I was and where he was. And there was another guy standing in the living room asking me if I knew what apartment "Travis" lives in.
You kept running around yelling "I need my pajamas" & then you got naked. Shit just went downhill from there.
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
Listen, she cheated on him first. I've known both of them since we were 12. They have no secrets from me. And yes, as a matter of fact, I absolutely did enjoy screaming out his name into his, soon to be, ex wife's pillow.
Randomize
