Oh i know my limit. 9 shots after i've given blood.
Whoever had sex in my bed during the party last night left a glow in the dark condom on my floor. I'm not even mad anymore, I just want to know who it is so they can tell me where to get one.
I mean, I'd wanted to go skinny dipping, hook up with him and have sex on a beach, so last night I basically killed 3 birds with one super slutty stone.
Just found out I reached my $2500 deductible and I have a $5 million dollar cap on my health insurance. Let's get drunk and do something recklessly stupid tonight.
She told me she wanted to wax my ass. I'm terrified and oddly aroused.
apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
Curdled. you forgot that word. It was a curdled buttery nipple shot.
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
CRAIGSLIST IS NOT THE ANSWER
IM LONELY AND HORNY
You start to question your party girl tendencies when you're wearing the same shirt you wore the night before to work and you're trying to get last nights Jell-O shot off the sleeve on your way to work
whatcha doing?
lying in bed pretending to be a slug
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
I wish I just waited long enough to hate someone to fuck one
Grandpa just whipped it out and started pissing on the way to the game stuck in traffic. I saw EVERYTHING. :(
If you can wrestle my underwear off of me, you can top. It'll be like using an amulet in Legends of the Hidden Temple. Instead of not getting captured, you don't get fucked in the ass.
Randomize
