I just saw a San Diego firetruck. No wonder they can't figure out how to fight wildfires if they get so fucking lost they end up in Nebraska.
you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
On second thought, trying to signify she was a butter face by wiping my bagel on her cheek may not have been in my best of interests
She has an emergency bra in her purse. I'm gonna check no on the 'introducing her to my new boyfriend' box.
Do you think I could put your penis on reserve for tonight or tomorrow night?
He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.
If her puking on your pool table is her sign of a good night, it's time to intervene.
It's a delicate game of how much porn can I look at without the other interns noticing.
If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
The object of the game was to pour tequila into a sombrero and drink as much as you can before it leaked through, 'Big Papi' won.
Don't laugh, but I might need some advice on how to ride a crooked dick.
You threw up a gallon of vomit. I really have never seen anything like it in my decade of partying.
He’s like an awkward walking penis that has a personality attached
Yeah. Of all the things to be cock blocked by a plague is the most unexpected.
Randomize
