the last thing i remember is you screaming lets hunt humans.
If I had known I was gonna take my tights off and throw them over the balcony I would have shaved my legs.
Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.
After I saw you grinding on that guy with your shirt completely unbuttoned, I figured it was time for pizza.
She looks like a beluga.
I want to splash her with water and when she screams say "I didn't want you to die. You looked parched"
The whole bar erupted and in happiness and confusion as I went on about pancakes.
He pretended his dick was a samurai sword and that he was slaying me with it is it bad I still wanted him to fuck me
Whatever. I have his dick. Haha how many girls can say they have a dildo replica of a guy they were seeing
I just turned down a booty call because I'm having a Star Wars movie marathon
I Woke up still tied to the bed. I would say, it was a good night!
He was like the most intimidating looking guy you've seen in your life except he was really shittily doing the two step
You stole my car to go to your boyfriends. Now your parents are fucking in the next room at top volume, and I have no way to escape..thought you should know that the amount of therapy I'll be needing for this is expensive.
You're the best friend ever.
There way too many people in that club who have had their dick in me
When you're as high as I am right now brushing your teeth is both magical and fucking terrifying
Randomize
