She got her phone back last night. And the first thing I sent her was a picture of me pooping in a culvers bathroom
Theres a disney princess moonbounce on karen st. and I'm drinking beer at a little league field. this might end with me in jail.
thanks for paying me in special brownies...but brownies dont pay the rent...anymore.
He was fucking her while he was wiping my tears.
Ryan learned the all important lesson tonight; Red Bull gives you wings, Jaeger gives you gravity.
We're at the urgent care down the street from you if you care to stop by
You crossed every boundary on the boundary spectrum last night. You're like the illegal immigrant of drunk actions. No more holiday drinking for you.
Is this like a "I'm taking you out to dinner and treating you with respect" kind of date, or is this a "I'm gonna fill you with alcohol and cheese and stuff my dick in your anus" kind of date?
Looking forward to meeting the person naked and passed out at my kitchen table.
The whole time we were fucking I kept thinking, "My dad would love this cologne. I'll have to ask him where he got it." the highlight of the night is that I figured out my dad's birthday gift.
She tried to beat him up using a half gallon of Bacardi, instead she got tangled in Kayla's hanging bra and broke a lamp. She can party with us anytime.
Side Note: Everyone in my office is getting engaged and having baby showers. And I'm all like, fuck your joy, I just want more string cheese in my life.
i just got carded for condoms. wtf.....this is new. isnt safe sex a good thing?
How have you been? I haven’t talked to you since you dyed your pubes.
Btw I appreciate you as a friend for taking the time to validate my sluttiness
You poured all their beer into ziploc baggies so it would be "better on the go"
Randomize
