If I remember taking any of my finals after tomorrow night, it will not have been a successful night.
Imagine a baby lion feeding on an injured gazelle and it tasting fresh blood for the first time. That's me and this breakfast sammich
I usually would've stopped there but I kinda remember opening the bottle of vodka, and we ALL know that's when things go downhill.
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
you had a pretty long talk with your shrooms in attempt to make them not give you a bad trip, it failed
It feels like eating ice cream while riding a unicorn over a rainbow waterfall made of glitter.
That is possibly the gayest thing that was ever thought of by anyone anywhere.
youre always welcome to strip dance on tables with me Mag. what are friends for.
Also- bikini mowing was a horrible idea. One truck just drove by 3 times, turning around at the end of the block each time. My tan may be better for it but my conscience has been raped.
My favorite bartender added me on Facebook. Now he can clearly see how under 21 I am
Also I found and fixed my beer gun.
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
Okay Im still jerking off but now with the Reality of Law School Looming In The Distance
Fuck it, I'm going to make my own dick pic album since iOS 10 won't do it for me.
Is that strawberry winking at me??
Randomize
