The sex was so good, I called my ex during the 2nd time just so he could hear. Is that mean?
I swear to god he's a one man village people.
I don't even know. I woke up in the bathtub with no shirt, covered in towels holding what appeared to be vanillia pudding mixed with captain morgan.
You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She blew me in the back of the cab while eye of the tiger was on the radio. Top five all time automatically
ur not supposed to find someone to make out with when ur bf takes u to his SISTERS house to hang out with her and her husband
Sad fact: I'm doing that thing where I'm bored so I give myself Princess Leia hair and drink alcohol.
Had a dream that you were held at gun point. But I killed the guy. Then we embraced in the biggest hug while everyone around us clapped... Kinda how I imagine our wedding...
I think I might be harboring a Canadian in my womb.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This guy is like Don Jon! Im over here this weekend and at least four times I've heard porn on his phone thru the bathroom door.
Stoned stonnnnnnned on the raaaaange
He fell into the beer pong table and broke it. Then he threatened to throw the toliet at us if we didn't let him keep playing
yo dude not sure how this happened but im drunk at your house eating burritos with your mom and sister. hope you're having fun in new zealand
I was trying to come up with a reason why you shouldn't be naked in front of me, and now I have 'If you give a mouse a cookie" stuck in my head
He stopped me mid-blow job to say that his new year's resolution was to stop hooking up. MID FUCKING BLOW JOB.
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