I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
I love my grandma, but if I have to sit and watch one more show on Bravo, I'm gonna burn her fuckin house to the ground
Today was my first day of hebrew and I learned how to say give me sex... I think I can quit now
slowly transforming into a stationary lump of steel. how can you tell me that was JUST weed
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
For some reason I just don't think you going to the gay bar alone on thanksgiving is a good idea.
Apparently I walked up to him, mumbled something incoherently, then started to make out with him. Why does this always happen.
I just creeped on air mattress guy's facebook and discovered his ex is the trifecta of evil: tiny, cute, and blonde.
How big of a disservice to the economy would we be doing if we didn't drink every day holiday break?
Me and the cabbie are stopping on the way at a sit down restaurant to eat. My life is so sad.
When he saw my tits he said "wow you should be proud.
Just heard him in the middle stall. Sounded like someone emptied a toolbox into the toilet.
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
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