Things I find upon waking: a gay man, a straight girl both clad in web bathing suits, a full bathtub, an empyt bottle of jamesons at the bottom and a scuba mask
i wanna do a homemade sex video in sepia and pretend were in the early 20th c
What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
u downloaded tardy 4 the party
then u started screaming about not wanting nene on the record
i would have smoked before this dance, how ever i have surgery Monday and I looked up weed and anesthesia and fatalities was mentioned, so i decided that it would be a bad idea
probs a good idea
i like the whole idea of life and being alive
you sure you're not high?
Turned out not to be so bad. He had a big dick and i owed him for all the free beer over the year.
I just want you to know how happy I am that you are circumcised.
Just met another girl you fucked but this time in seattle. Your cock gets almost as much mileage as jet blue. Anaheim and seattle both say hi, figured you don't remember their names.
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
I have an erection and I'm about to go through airport security.
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
my star wars tattoo got me laid last night. definitely a dark side sort of benefit im thinking
Also I feel like death. But like. In a good way
You're even getting laid in my dreams, god I'm a good wingman
Why the fuck is there raw bacon in my bra. I don't even have a stove.
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