i just remembered that i beat off next to you while we were naked and passed out next to each other after last night... No Homo
did that guy on the oscars really just tell me to text a dolphin?
My grandma put hard boiled eggs on her lasagna. I'm not high enough for this.
Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
he asked me if i would dance for him to make it easier for him to jack off. does that answer your question.
Of course I was flustered, I had a lot of penis in my face.
It was a deal breaker when she told me not to wear a condom and god would decide if we were meant to be together.
I want to break his glasses with my pelvis.
Stop whining I left you with whiskey
YOU LEFT ME WITH WHISKEY ALONE IN A CABIN IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE I AM GOING TO DIE.
He kicked in the door just as I climbed on top of him...and stood there. I felt like I was in a porn. It was invigorating.
So I'm dropping a fat deuce at work, and the lock on the stall door slips and the door slides open, when suddenly someone comes in. Now I have two options, I can either get up quickly and try to shut the door quickly (not easy to do with one hand) or I can just sit there and play it off like it's no big deal and I always dump at work with the door open. I chose option two, and it was as awkward as it sounds.
Did I fall on/off the boat yesterday? Cuz my right leg looks and feels like if it got hit by shrapnel.
You had sex with him AND his man bun. Like not just him but also the bun.
I literally woke up walked into the bathroom, threw up and died this morning. Then went to my 8am.
So that guy from plenty of fish has a lightning bolt tattooed on his face. I kinda feel like I HAVE to sleep with him now.
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