In line at the arbys drive thru on foot. Legendary.
around noonish you got carried out for spitting water and throwing cups at old people...
She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
Now he's galloping around the bar. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
EVERY guy that's EVER been in my vagina has texted me tonight for a booty call. Narrow it down to the greatest hits or just work in timeline order?
he kept saying that we were in ian's fun time place and then continued to act like a dinosaur.
I say go for the trifecta and maybe you'll get a medal or something. Or a baby. That's like the same thing right?
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
Yeah we do. It needs to be like a good penis- long, substancial, and able to make people cry.
We did hand stand push-ups while beer bonging. Its now a thing
That's like doing a cinnamon challenge in my vag - but more painful.
the only thing she has in her apt so far is toilet paper and shot glasses. you can see where the priorities lie.
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
So were driving two hours to go to a club and Charles packed me a sippy cup full of tequila. He thinks of everything!
Just landed in Atlanta. Still drunk. I can't feel my face
Randomize
