So I had sex in the woods... it was just as dirty as you'd expect it would be.. and not in a good way.
I think I'm going to start texting all the people that don't want to talk to me
So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
She insisted on fucking on the futon mattress on the floor, answered the phone call from her boyfriend who was on his way to pick her up, and then had the audacity to ask if I was clean
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
I woke up in an empty bathtub with the wrong brother
I asked if he wants to help me spring forward at 2am on Sunday. He seems down.
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
Some kid just popped open a giant PBR and walked into his final...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm gonna try Jim's breakup remedy this weekend.
Is that the one where you drink 3 cases of beer and rewatch as much WWE RAW as you can find? Or the one where you hookup with fatties on Craigslist?
He asked me while we were fishing why the passion was gone when we have sex. It's official...I am the dude in this relationship.
Hey when you get home, can you do me a solid and throw one of your pregnancy tests on my bed?
EPT or First Response?
I told you I couldn't sleep because of the speed and you rolled over and replied "shh. just pretend."
I just opened my travel toothbrush holder and it smelled like vodka...maybe a vodka cranberry. This says a lot about my vacations.
Is it too much to ask for 10 minutes of privacy while I masturbate?
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