you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
I was born in the year of the cock... How fitting.
Where'd you guys get the alcohol from?
Oh. Some homeless guy we picked up from I-70. He bought us $400 worth of alcohol in exchange for a shower.
...... wtf.
Now there are two cop cars. If I go to jail I just would like to thank you for making me wear boxers.
Well, as a member of the greater american southwest gay community I just have to mark this as a total loss and you will be missed.
She's clinging to me like a horny koala.
i dont care. it has been a 14 hour day, and we are all celebrating by alternating shots and grilled cheese.
What's a quick way to get over an ex-boyfriend? To hear about how he threw up in a cup and then drank it. That's how.
She's doing hand stands on the train as I type. Idk if I'm impressed it embarrassed. Or turned on.
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
I broke out the Krispy Kreme, and am possibly having random internet sex in less than an hour. I think I got this breakup under control.
he just left the suite without pants on wrapped in Christmas lights
The power of the half flaccid cock, and to think, I thought I was just playing accordion in front of her Vagina!
My mom added me on Snapchat which means I am officially done with Snapchat.
I take Paypal, cash, sexual favors, and roasted red potatoes with garlic as payment. You choose.
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